M&M: The two most dangerous men in Nigeria

By Dele Sobowale

“A very great part of the mischief that vexes this world arises from words.”

Edmund Burke, 1729-1797, (VANGUARD BOOK OF QUOTATIONS p281).

One American politician once said that every political party, sooner or later, develops its “lunatic fringe” – people who carry the advocacy for the political party to the most dangerous extremes. Nigeria has not reached there yet. But, we are getting too damn close for comfort. And two men, one belonging to the Peoples’ Democratic Party, PDP, and the other a member of the All Progressive Congress, APC, are driving us “hell for leather” to the brink of political madness.

Surprisingly, they are both lawyers. Each is the spokesman for his own political party in the exalted position of National Publicity Secretary. I will soon return to those facts. They are both young enough to still learn; but old enough to have grown up kids – who one hopes read the stuff they dish out virtually everyday to the entire world. Let me start with the world community which is at our door-step; thanks to internet, iPads and other forms of ICT.

Everything said by “exalted” officials of political parties or governments is now heard instantly around the world. It is not even safe to whisper on account of microphones built into some of these gadgets. But, our dangerous and dandy duo, don’t even whisper. They yell out the most explosive stuff at the top of their lungs – like people possessed. They actually and earnestly intend the entire world to hear those potentially destructive things they utter.

Dear readers, forgive me for keeping

you in suspense for so long before introducing M & M; Methuh and Mohammed – the National Publicity Secretaries of the PDP and APC, respectively. I have been listening to politicians and have read what they said since the middle 1950s. Never in the history of the country have two spokesmen for two political parties thrown so much caution to the wind as to have both constituted themselves into such monumental public nuisances.

A mudslide occurred in Washington State in the United States – killing nearly fifty people. Nobody was told if the state governor was a Republican or a Democrat. No Republican party member blamed Obama and the spokesman for the Democratic party, to which Obama belongs, did not, in any way, suggest that Obama’s political enemies triggered the mudslide in order to discredit the US President.

Republicans and Democrats, in America, recognize a national disaster for what it is and nobody attempts to make political capital out of it. Everybody, especially the spokesmen, first of all engage their brains before putting their mouths into forward gear. Here in Nigeria, our two political parties are encouraging spokesmen to talk first and think later.

Otherwise, how does one explain the exchange of heartless inanities which the two of them released immediately after the tragedy at Nyanya, Federal Capital Territory? To the best of my knowledge, neither Lai Mohammed nor Olisa Methuh, was there when the suicide bombers struck. Even if any of them was there, it was most unlikely that he knew the bombers and was aware of their mission; not to talk of who was responsible.

Grown-ups, under those circumstances, would wait for the security agents to wade in first and give the usual interim report. Matured people would wait even after that for more information before reacting. Not M & M. A blast went off in the FCT and two mouths were sending blasts of their own to disturb our peace further – as if the first explosion was not enough.

Until that incident, I was already getting fed-up with these two fellows; who obviously don’t know the first thing about the duties of a Publicity Secretary. Without doubt, both of them have assumed that heaping abuses on the other political party and its leaders is their main function. Apparently, they have bosses who are just as ignorant of the functions of the person in charge of publicity. They all need dictionaries.

What M & M are doing, at the moment, amounts to undertaking a task meant for hecklers and touts. The first task of a knowledgeable Publicity Secretary is to “sell” the party to the public by highlighting REAL achievements and future plans which will be beneficial to Nigerians. I know they don’t teach that in the Nigerian Law School. So maybe the two should come to UniJankara for a course titled HOW TO BE A PUBLICITY SECRETARY AND KEEP A CIVIL TONGUE IN YOUR MOUTH. We offer free tuition; even to billionaires…

SUPPORT OUR ARMED FORCES FOR YOUR OWN SAKE – 1

“God bless the Army and the Navy,….[the Air Force, and the Security agencies].

James and Horace Smith, 1775-1839 and 1779-1845.

James and Horace, one of the four sets of siblings to jointly author books, songs and poems, lived in an age when there was no air force. And those charged with intelligence work were called “spies” – a pejorative term which denied them recognition for the patriotic and dangerous work they were doing for their country. Today, no country, with the exception of small nation-islands, operates without an Air Force; and even they operate with security staff. Nigeria is no exception.

Irrespective of political affiliation or personal ambition, we must recognize that Nigeria needs its armed forces – now more than ever. That also means that despite the difficulties we are collectively experiencing, and the setbacks we have suffered in the war against Boko Haram, our best option is still to support our men and women at the front and the Commander-In-Chief of the Armed Forces. We may not vote for Jonathan in 2015. But we must pray that they defeat Boko Haram.

The only other option is catastrophe….